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Day 127: (To soon for another post, but who cares!!)

I am happy that God has given me the gift of expressing my true thoughts through music. Even if it only sounds good to me. I am a living tribute to my departed wife. She will forever be celebrated. The positive influence she has left on me is incalculable. I struggle to spit out the words of gratitude I have for the inspiration she has been to me. Expressing through words the magnetism, courage and beauty, both inward and outward, is difficult. The right words, when spoken out loud, can't seem to surf the waves to my lips, except in song. I told my therapist today that I can take stabs at, and even picture the words I want to say in a conversation, but "blahbuggabish" is what always seems to come out most of the time. I feel crazy at times. I was never that articulate before, but I could always make sense. Even after a half-of-a-fifth of Jack I could mumble better than the incoherent babble I churn out now. Heck, I built a music career my babbling! At least I thought I did. I do owe my health, and most likely my life to my wife for pulling me out of the abyss that was my toxic musical debauchery. I could have never landed on a transplant list drinking the way I drank back then!!! Don't believe me? Google Speedtrucker! (Risk: Make sure there are no kids within ear shot:) The debauchery was nothing to be proud of, I assure you) What I feel I may have accomplished with this new album is an opening; a genesis of my deepest feeling of my love, admiration and thankfulness I have for Lindy. She epitomized "No braver soul behold" with the way she fearlessly battled cancer. Her lore will span life to death as her balled will be told. I pray I can do her memory justice with the fashion with which I live on in her remembrance. She is my hero.