My Favorite Track, Track #5 Cold Hard Truth

After our first appointment with Duke, we were trying to relax at the Washington Duke Inn and Golf center after the first exhausting day there. I flipped on the TV to try and escape from the news. Lindy sat on the bed staring at her computer and began to cry for the first and only time. We flew to Duke because the last doctor in Dallas was cold, rude and had seemed to care less about a patients outcome. She was the one that diagnosed her. When Lindy told her that she was going to do in vitro before starting chemo and radiation, the doctor looked at her and said, “thats the dumbest thing you can do. Your not going to be around long enough to have them much less raise them”! Lindy walked out of her office and that is how we ended up at Duke. Their motto at Duke was Plan to Live. And that is exactly what my wife did: she lived on her terms.

She sat on the bed at the Duke hotel, and for the first time looked up what she was in for. The Duke doctor upgraded her cancer earlier that day to stage 4 and it hit her. I determined right then and there that I was going to do everything to give her her dreams. I proposed four months later. Bought her the biggest ring that was 10 x’s over my budget, and we planned a wedding in Italy on Lake Como. Yes. I drained every nickel I had and then mortgaged my future for the love of my life.

She did live fearlessly. She never once gave into the idea that this was going to take her life. She believed it so much, I believed it. We did in vitro and got 4 embryos. She bought a horse and fulfilled her dream of jumping. We traveled a lot and generally lived a normal newlywed life with no fear. We made a plan to have kids (that saga hasn’t ended yet btw) the June before she passed. I was so convinced that she was going to beat this it took the very back seat in our conversations. The very end had me grasping for understanding. I was dumfounded. She was so confident that she would survive this that reality took awhile to sink in. (In some ways it hasn’t sunk in yet).

I wrote this song mostly about our wedding, but more about the fact that we were able to ignore the inevitable.  I read one page in her journal a few months after she passed and she said that the Italy wedding and trip was a dream come true. She said it would forever be her favorite memory. That is what inspired this song.

 

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Part of the proceeds go to the National Brain Tumor Society.

 

Track # 3 off My New Album-L- “I’ve Got a Feeling”

This is without a doubt the fastest, funniest song on the album. I wrote this about our first year of marriage. Lindy and I were very traditional in the fact that we didn’t live together before marriage. So while we were engaged I would drop her off at night from “date night”  and I would text my friends and meet them out. (This happened, ummm, every night)! That was my life prior to marriage. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the memo that going out to the bars every night, post marriage, was, well, not looked upon kindly by the wifey. This was one of the two things we fought about all the time, until I fell in line! I learned my manners, especially after she installed the “you must sleep in the spare room if you get home past midnight” house rule! Did I mention we only had twin beds in the spare bedroom? Yeah. It didn’t take me long to acquiesce to her wishes:) Things got better quickly when I grew up!

I had fun with my friends in the bars! Telling stories, drinking too much, hangovers….it was fun I wont lie, at the time.  Meanwhile, the wife would spend the evening, while I was out,  writing an extensive to-do-list for me in the mornings! I miss her helping me grow up. She was a no nonsense woman. I loved that about her. I just miss  miss her being here for me every night:(

 

First verses tells a very true story of an unnamed friend of mine and me was leaving Las Vegas, dropping his stuff off for his last semester in LA, and driving at 2 am (after barhopping all night on Sunset) to Tijuana. We ended up the next morning riding around in the back of a police car in cuffs getting the best tour of Tijuana while looking for an ATM to pay the nice tour guides!

Enjoy! (I did sample a small part of this melody from an old gospel tune I used to sing as a kid in church…oops!)

 

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Day 388: Easter in Lieu of Valentine’s

When Lindy and I first met she told me not to get her flowers on Valentines day. She said, “only suckers fall for the nearly triple-the-price roses on amateur love day!” She said, “a fellow ought to be smarter with his money than that. Beside, you get no closer to what your after! I saw your band. I saw what you do!” “Ha. Like that’s what I’m after from you!!”, I told her  “You apparently wasn’t paying attention to my moves on stage! Women are a dime a dozen at our shows. But, a real woman like you never comes around”, I politely explained in my twangiest voice.

She very modestly drawls, “besides, I celebrate Easter. The presents are better and it means more to me to see a guy celebrate a day not commercialized for couples .” So I waited till Easter to woo her with candy. (I still have always got her flowers. Found out  later her favorite rose was sterling).

That first year that we were dating we went to Mass, (which bored me silly) then to the park to Easter egg hunt with Sassy, then ultimately Ollie joined when he entered the equation, then back home to open our Easter baskets. Boy did I underbuy the first year! She took this Easter basket thing serious! She gave me ties, dress shirts, a watch, Starbuck’s gift card, and lots of funny knick knacks from Froggy’s Five and Dime. All this barely scratches the surface of what she got me. I only got her tons of candy! I mean lots of it! Yikes! Did I feel stupid? I fixed it the next year. I took us, and the dog(s) to San Antonio riverwalk. Whew! Saved this one. She probably should have kicked this idiot to the curb. S.A. soon become our yearly tradition for Easter weekend.

I miss this holiday with her so much. It will never be the same. (It hit me harder than last year at the cemetery today). Sure, I will still Easter egg hunt with the doggies, but it just won’t be the same without her. Toni Collins and her kids were nice enough to accompany me last year with
the hunt. This year I will introduce Rigatoni to our household tradition. I will try to keep our traditions alive.

 

Happy Easter to everyone. Enjoy this holiday with your family. Take a silent moment and think about how lucky you are to enjoy this weekend with the ones you hold dear. Remember also, the reason we celebrate Easter. Its not the chocolate bunnies you get! (Do they even still make those)? Its because He died, rose again, and lives that I will get to see my beautiful wife again. I know that it’s Jesus I should be focused on, but right now I have blinders on and just want to kiss my wife again…Have a great weekend 

A song off my tribute album to Lindy