(Had to fix the typos. It’s what Lindy would have insisted on)
I have say, I’m sad the walk is over but, glad to get home and deal with her loss head on. I am sitting on a train now from Santiago at to Madrid overnight. I am trying to get to Paris by Wednesday where my flight home awaits. It was impossible to get a flight from Santiago to Paris today. I am train’n it now to Madrid so I can hopefully get a flight from there.
I had and am having some sad moments right now. I am trying to choke down a bottle of wine through my tears. I’m glad the walk is over but still super sad there is no one to go home to. I hate not getting text from her, pics of the dogs and general silence from her when I know she is asleep. Some say I ran. I say I was trying to find meaning in this. I did. Hard to share and very emotional but, I found a seed of a start. I will never understand or be “good” with it but, God must have a purpose. No one should bear this much pain without a silver lining somewhere. All I know is I have to trust God. Trust him faith to faith and minute to minute to know what he is doing or i will go crazy.
We all woke up this morning and got a good start on the day. We arrived in Santiago, after stoping for breakfast. Santiago in the dawn was the the perfect time. We were an hour early to mass so we went to the pilgrim office to get our certificates.
Well that was a bunch of S&$@. I walked 149 miles total and I have the stamps to prove it! The lady at the pilgrim office says I didn’t walk the last 60 miles so I didn’t get “the” religious certificate! It said in he guide you only have up walk 100 km (62 miles) to get the official certificate. Well I skipped a stage to make my flight. I argued for 20 minutes over the fact that there are these pretentious people who drop in the last 60 miles and have vans haul their bags and they get a certificate? Please. The lady said, “you can take it up with the boss in the morning!” I said, “who God? Uh..I think I will take it up with him now!” “Fuy! I did this for me and to mourn my wife. Take that certificate and, well, you know what you can do with it!”
I got a non-religious certificate and I fine with it. I don’t care.
I did have fun with Seimän and Claudia today. We went to an amazing mass and went and had Sangria after on a sunny patio for several hours. We talked about what we all got out of the walk and I appreciate them indulging my sadness. I feel I will be forever friends with these two!
Had a hell of a time getting a flight out of Santiago and I pray I will find a flight in Madrid in the morning to Paris.
On an odd note, and pertains to the subject line, I got official word today that the path I walked, the French way, is called Chemins de Saint-Jacques-de-Compostelle. I have to say that I kicked Jacques ass. I walked on Jacque, not for him. Lindy would be proud (the irony is so thick with this). If you have done Lindy’s brain tumor walk in the past you get it!
I will never be able to say I will quit missing her. I trust God and Lindy to help me to do amazing things in my life. I wish I understood why she had to leave so early but I promise to always strive to keep her spirit alive. Amazing, Amazing, Amazing woman she was and still is. I how she is reunited right this second with her brother Greg, aunt Minnie and Izzy. She deserves the best in life and death.
I pray I really have found my “Way” to live with just your memory seeetheart.
I did it baby…for you.