Day 180: Time Seems to Stand Still While Moving Rapidly

Like a shooting star you burned out before your time
My wish is that your smiling down living on heavens time
I see your beauty every eve’n in the sunsets
The essence of your spirit edges out the little regrets.

I’m so glad we ignored the cold hard truth
The house stacked the odds but you doubled and played right through
I’d give anything to bet again with you
I’d give anything to dream again with you

Lindy Bullock-Cox
November 24, 1971-February 6, 2013

It’s been exceedingly hard to cope but, I see a light at the end of the tunnel, I hope. I will never turn off your -our- beautiful memories together. I love and miss you….

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Day 176: Puppy Love

Like a shooting star my wife stopped shining before her time. My wish is that her memory will always burn in my heart. I miss her to the point of dizziness sometimes. We were so good at ignoring the cold hard truth of how deadly her cancer was, I still forget at times -only for a split second- she’s gone. Occasionally, I turn the corner on our street and see her car in the driveway and my heart flutters. This is one of the moments the dizziness sets in.

She seems so close sometimes that I feel I can reach out and touch her. The great beyond no longer seems that distant anymore. The lenses that I view the world through now seem to cast a blueish-gray color on everything. I like these fresh feelings. I’m starting to embrace the possibility of a future. And for now, I like the color of the glasses I’m viewing my future through. It makes me still feel close to her. My foundation in Christ is building my faith and hope that I truly will get to see her again someday. Someday soon.

This just means I have to stay preoccupied and engaged until that day. My possible future endeavors may be starting to take shape. We will see. I do know, I want to do something of significance.

Significant pursuits can take shape in many forms. I am just now starting to understand that concept. One of the guys that I look to for guidance told me sometime back (and this concept is just now sinking in) that his ministry as the founder of his private equity group is to take a company they acquire and improve management and employees life by creating a better culture. They do this by focusing on building a more conducive culture that fosters personal growth and this parlays into not only a more productive company, but a company that has a positive impact on everyone from the employee to the consumer. They also create goals for individuals that will increase their compensation that will enhance the things they can provide his/her family. Wow. What a way to look at a ministry and a business.

I never looked at life in such a practical way. I had this blurred vision that “my significant” work would be done by committing my every deed to serving the needs of someone or a group day-to-day. Or by being employed by or for a cause. While those things haven’t been ruled out, I now have a different view of all opportunities that are presented to me. I do know one thing. It’s time to participate in being a productive citizen again. To help get me back to feeling responsible, I got a puppy to add to the pack.

The new love of my life is my Bracco Italiano-Rig. Lindy and I saw this dog in Italy 2+ years ago. We were in Italy for our wedding and honeymoon when we saw this magnificent creature. I fell in love and saw my newest 4-legged companion. Lindy saw lakes of slobber in the house. “No way you are getting a dog like this to leave slobber-trails everywhere in my house and hounds smell!”, she asserted nicely.

The next day while on the slow-boat to Bellagio she said, “I have the perfect name we could give to the Bracco. We can name him Rigatoni and call him Rig for short”. “You talking about the dog I can’t have?”, I grinned.

I am glad I got Rig. It’s one more thing Lindy and I share beyond death. I love Rig. He is so regal yet still a little clumsy. At least until he grows into this XXXL feet of his. He really brings a smile to my face. Lindy would have loved him too. What would really make me happy is if Ollie, the Jack Lindy and I shared, would buck up and get along with Rig. In time I’m confident they will get along. End result: he fills a small piece of the hole losing Lindy has left me with.

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